yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
