Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
