This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Randomize
