she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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