im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
