My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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