i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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