"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
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