In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
