i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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