ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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