I can text with my tongue
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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