ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
