Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
