Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
