apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i will never coherently bang her
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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