I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize