thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
