what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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