i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
