So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
