i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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