one two three fourrrrnication!
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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