I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
