Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
