Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
