Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
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I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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