What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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