hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
