I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
