Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
