he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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