I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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