Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
