please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
