I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
