Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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