I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
