So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
