he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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