What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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