we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
