i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
