I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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