Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
