i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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