I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
