Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Randomize
