saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
