Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
