He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
