I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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