I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
