What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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