At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
