She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize