i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
