A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
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