we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
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I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
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No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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