I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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